Questions before they leave…

Happy Family 2

When my friend’s parents passed away last year, he didn’t really realize how many things he would’ve liked to have known about them and their preferences and how much of their insight he would miss. Its been an year and thankfully he has almost sorted out himself at least to an extent.

When we were discussing about all these stuff, he opened himself and told me few things one should be knowing before its too late, which I have compiled as below:

1. Ask them about their youth. You would wish you knew more about how they handled/dealt with their own personal loss.

2. Ask about their first car (for instance) – like what they bought, what they paid, where and how they got the money. You’ll not only learn about their taste in cars, but about how they view their financial world.

3. Ask about their wedding- how did he propose, what did she wear, did they have a honeymoon? This will provide an insight of their subtle romances.

4. Ask about one of the worst times of their lives.

5. Ask about your family tree – you never know, at some point it will be important to you or your children. Have few recordings of them on random events or just unpretentious. Do not probe like any news channel. Just be casual.

6. Ask them, “Is there anything that if I were to find it out later, you would have regretted not telling me?” . Although this sounds harsh, but sometimes family secrets perish just because of lack of knowledge.

7. Know where they keep the important stuff – both practical (financial) and sentimental.

8. Lastly, thank them. If you are a parent yourself, right now, you know why, and if you are not yet, then simply thank them for not abandoning you to wolves one evening when their patience had worn thin 🙂 .

Mind it, you can not taking a viva or exam, keep it simple. Like one of my friend, made a point no matter how busy you are, just once a month, get dressed up and go to a fancy dinner. You can switch who would pay also. There you can spend some memorable time along with some pun chats.

And in addition to all above, you can sign up for StoryWorth – it’s a service that asks a question a week to your parents and records their answers.


Must questions before Marriage…

Indian wedding

I faced the typical version of arranged marriage system recently. And since I talked to her and tried to get to know her before marriage, it helped me immensely in adjusting with her later on.

Below are the list of 15 questions that I found are must for the prospective bride/groom.
And since I am male, I will be writing in the same reference but rest assured, my words are never biased 🙂

1. Ask why the person wants to get married now or why he didn’t married yet and if he/she is not doing so under any pressure. There are many youngsters in India, who just say yes to meet someone or marry someone because their family pressurizes them to do so.

2. What are the expectations from life partner. This is very important. This tells about their dreams and wishes.

3. Tell your doubts upright and ask if they are okay with it.
One example my guy friend told as, “when I was talking to my government officer wife (before marriage), I asked her why wouldn’t she choose another lady officer from her batch? Why was she settling down for an engineer? She said she didn’t want an officer husband but a supportive, understanding person. Her answer assured me that later on he would not make me feel inferior to her male officer batch mates.

4. Ask about his/her dreams, future plans and goals. A (other) friend’s marriage ended up in divorce because the wife always wanted to become an actress and the husband didn’t wanted the same. They had not discussed this part earlier and both of them had made assumptions on their own.

5. Ask about any medical issues. Most of the times we avoid and end up in “I didn’t tell you since you didn’t asked” kind of pointless arguments. Apart from this you can cover anger management as wellAnd how she keeps her calm under such scenarios.

6. Tell her about things and people that are the most important to you and ask the
same about her.

7. Focus more on the words and what the person says and less on how he/she says. I mean do not look for perfect grammar and accent, instead pay heed to the meaning in their words.

8. Who will be working and who will do parenting? Or both will be Working. Ask the girl whether she wants to continue with her profession after marriage also. If you are looking for a homemaker, then tell this upfront that your expectations are different.

9. Is she comfortable staying with your family or she want to stay apart from family after marriage?

10. Who is going to take care of home and other stuff after marriage if both will be working?

11. Ask about the friends and family members and with whom she has good bonding. This includes past relationships also. And this will assure her that you are not only interested in her but her life as well.

12. What is/are the thing(s) you don’t want to stop doing even after Marriage ?
This can include a discussion of surnames as well. Though in most of cases, bride-to-be has no issues but why presume?

13. What are the financial resources we can depend on, if we both become jobless after Marriage?

14. Is there any future plan to relocation or settle in abroad after marriage?

15. Out of the blue:
If you won the lottery, what would you do? These kind of questions (under polite demeanor), may reveal the true subconscious nature of the person.

Thanks for reading… 

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